I’m not a forwarder, but when I get something that gives me a laugh I don’t mind sharing on my blog. My mom sent this to me recently (though I’ve seen it before from someone else) and I think it’s pretty funny. Supposedly these are court room transcripts from actual cases.
Attorney: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
Witness: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Attorney: And why did that upset you?
Witness: My name is Susan!
Attorney: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
Witness: We both do.
Attorney: Voodoo?
Witness: We do.
Attorney: You do?
Witness: Yes, voodoo.
Attorney: Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
Witness: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Attorney: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Witness: Are you shitt'in me?
Attorney: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
Witness: Yes.Attorney: And what were you doing at that time?
Witness: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!
Attorney: She had three children, right?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: How many were boys?
Witness: None..
Attorney: Were there any girls?
Witness: Are you shitt'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
Attorney: How was your first marriage terminated?
Witness: By death.
Attorney: And by whose death was it terminated?
Witness: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
Attorney: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Witness: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
Attorney: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
Witness: Oral.
Attorney: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Witness: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Attorney: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
Witness: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
Attorney: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Witness: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Witness: No.
Attorney: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Witness: No.
Attorney: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Attorney: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
Witness: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Attorney: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
Witness: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Attorney: And why did that upset you?
Witness: My name is Susan!
Attorney: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
Witness: We both do.
Attorney: Voodoo?
Witness: We do.
Attorney: You do?
Witness: Yes, voodoo.
Attorney: Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
Witness: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Attorney: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Witness: Are you shitt'in me?
Attorney: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
Witness: Yes.Attorney: And what were you doing at that time?
Witness: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!
Attorney: She had three children, right?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: How many were boys?
Witness: None..
Attorney: Were there any girls?
Witness: Are you shitt'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
Attorney: How was your first marriage terminated?
Witness: By death.
Attorney: And by whose death was it terminated?
Witness: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
Attorney: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Witness: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
Attorney: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
Witness: Oral.
Attorney: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Witness: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Attorney: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
Witness: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
Attorney: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Witness: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Witness: No.
Attorney: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Witness: No.
Attorney: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Attorney: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
Witness: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
3 comments:
Go easy on these attorneys. After all, they are attorneys!! :o) :o) :o)
This is the 3rd time that I have read this in as many days... still makes me giggle.
Update!!!You have done a lot. You are reading books. You should have a lot to say. Sit down and write!
If I were not this busy, I would have updated for you. :P
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